im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
