I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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