Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize