It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
