pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
