Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
