can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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