That's when you crack a 10am beer
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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