You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
