I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
why do cheetos always look like penises
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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