you didnt know i had herpes?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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