Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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