Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
