They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Randomize
