Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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