I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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