i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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