The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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