Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
