I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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