I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
