I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
