Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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