it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
