I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Randomize
