Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
