She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
