Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
