Please, let me fuck your mom
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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