the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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