Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
