I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
