I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
