I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
