What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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