The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
