well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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