took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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