Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
