I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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