Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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