Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
