Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
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