I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
