I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
there was a trapeze. enough said
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
