Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
