apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
