Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
