is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
