I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
