pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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