She's JV to your varsity
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
