I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
