I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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