Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
