If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
