Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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