Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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