The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
