Sponge bath it is.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
