Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
