I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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