I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
