matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He called his prostate his "boner button".
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
