we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
