Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
