I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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