Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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