She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize