I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
this must be what syphilis tastes like
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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