Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
