i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
