You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
