Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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