He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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