please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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