I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
When are your genitals available?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
