The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
