After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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