then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
