She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
