My nipple is on Facebook.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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