did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
