he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
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