I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
This house was built for laser tag.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Couch. On fire.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
