Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
