I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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