My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
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